How the latest sexual harassment allegations helped me recognise my own gaslighting

Sexual harassment seems to be a hot topic these days. Allegations of sexual misconduct have been brought out against Harvey Weinstein, Roy Moore and Louis CK, to name a few, and here in the UK we have seen our own spate of sexual harassment claims against members of parliament. As a consequence, Twitter has exploded with women coming forward to tell their own – often harrowing – tales of sexual harassment, particularly under the hashtag #MeToo. Continue reading “How the latest sexual harassment allegations helped me recognise my own gaslighting”

I am an exhausted feminist

I am exhausted.
I am exhausted of hearing so many accusations of sexual assault.
I am exhausted of needing to relive the worst moments of my life for the #MeToo campaign just so that men believe this is an epidemic.
I am exhausted of men judging us for having kept silent about sexual harassment for so long.
I am exhausted of men questioning my experience as a woman.
I am exhausted of women questioning my experience as a woman.
I am exhausted. Aren’t you? Continue reading “I am an exhausted feminist”

Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of

It seems like I talk about masturbation a lot, both here and on Twitter. But I think masturbation is important, for a number of reasons. Obviously, as a sex blogger I am sometimes required to masturbate when I test out sex toys to review (oh, the hardship!). As I said in an earlier post, I have probably masturbated more in the last year than I have in the 19 years previously. Continue reading “Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of”

The way you are having sex is unique, amazing and perfect


Are you having sex? Do you enjoy it? Are you getting off? Then great, you are doing it right.

It’s such a simple statement, but why, then, is it so hard to believe? I am 40 years old and have been sexually active for 20 years. I blog about sex and have done more masturbating in the last year than I have all my life combined. But I often still feel like I am “doing it wrong.” Continue reading “The way you are having sex is unique, amazing and perfect”

We are all different: why body positivity makes common sense

A while ago I was sat on the couch, reading a book, minding my own business. My 8 year old son sat next to me, poked me in the stomach and said, ‘You need to lose weight, you are fat.’

I was aghast. Aside from the fact that, while I have gained a bit more weight in the last year, I am by no means fat, it’s not his place to say I need to lose weight. And so I told him that he was being judgemental and I didn’t need to lose weight.
Continue reading “We are all different: why body positivity makes common sense”

Not everything women do is for the benefit of men


I love wearing high heels. Not so much when I am out and about shopping, for example, or walking home, but when I am in the office or the rare occasion I am going out, I like to put on a high, preferably strappy, heel. I love the way heels give me confidence and I love how much taller I am in them (I am a shorty without heels). My manager, who prefers practical, low heeled shoes, once commented on my choice of footwear.
‘I would never wear heels like that in the office,’ she said. ‘There is just no one at work I feel the need to impress.’ Continue reading “Not everything women do is for the benefit of men”

The importance of enthusiastic consent

I wrote a post about consent which was lost in the big website disaster, but it’s such an important topic, I am rewriting it. TW: rape, sexual assault.

Consent
Let’s talk about consent. I am not sure why it is such a difficult concept for people to understand, but it seems that the message still isn’t clear, which is why I am going to talk about it today. Continue reading “The importance of enthusiastic consent”

Male allies don’t understand the challenges women face

I originally wrote this post three months (or so) ago, prompted by the furor about women-only screening of Wonder Woman. The original post got lost in the great website disaster and I hadn’t planned to rewrite it because I thought it was no longer relevant, but with the whole mess the world is in, I think my points still stand, so I will make them again. Continue reading “Male allies don’t understand the challenges women face”