Does your partner know you masturbate?

I used to be quite ashamed of masturbating. I didn’t do it very often and when I did, I invariably felt guilty. A quick rub in the shower or under the covers if my husband was away was all I ever managed. That was before I became more liberated and before I started this sex blog.

When my libido shot through the roof a couple of years ago, my husband had a hard time keeping up. This coincided with me receiving sex toys to review for my blog, so I had a perfect excuse to go and masturbate. Once the initial shame over masturbating had passed, I felt freer to talk to hubby about when I masturbate and what I like to do. Likewise, he felt more comfortable sharing with me when he masturbates.

I love being open with my husband. After all, there is nothing shameful about masturbating, and it’s not like we were not having any partnered sex. I think I would have a harder time being open about masturbating if we weren’t having sex together either, but that was (and is) not the case. Often hubby wants to watch or play as well if I masturbate even if he doesn’t want it to evolve into partnered sex. But there are times I just want to be alone and he is fine with that too.

If you had told me even four years ago that we would be in a place where we’d talk openly about masturbating, I would have laughed. I could not imagine having that kind of conversation with my husband. Which is a real shame. Four years ago we were hardly having sex because of my medical issues. I felt guilty as hell about it, even though my husband was very understanding. But of course he was missing out. Later (recently) he told me that he used to masturbate to relieve himself. No great surprise there, and I suspected he did something like that. But talking to him about it now, I wished I had been more open and open-minded about sex back then. It would not have changed the fact that I couldn’t have sex at the time, but talking about it would have made it much easier for both of us.

Masturbation is great, as I always say. Not just for some sexual relief, but also to get to know your body better and to discover your own sexual likes and dislikes. I think it is very healthy to masturbate even if you have a partner who is capable of satisfying you. For my husband, it was initially a bit strange to know I was masturbating. Especially after the long dry spell we had had, it felt to him a bit as if I was cheating him out of sex. Which he quickly realised was not the case, but good communication is key when you open up about sex to your partner (as really in all parts of life).

1 thought on “Does your partner know you masturbate?”

  1. My wife and I have been married over 30 years. Although we never really hid it we also never talked about it much. Because she like many woman can’t cum from PIV, and because I love to watch her, we have used toys to get her finished from very early on. In the last five or so years we have gone from knowing we both do it to it , to being a more casual, talked about and sexy experience. We do it together and I encourage her to go for it as often as the mood strikes. Fortunately for both of us the mood strikes every few days. She also knows I find it very sexy when she tells me she has done it, and tells me later. We both love how our sex life has evolved and where we are with it. I would say we are somewhere between vanilla and tutti-frutti. Getting older has made us more comfortable and excepting with who we are, what we like and and comfortable with it.

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