I feel inadequate. I feel like somehow I am failing as a sex blogger, an erotic writer, an open minded sex positive individual.
Why though? After all, my website is awesome; I speak freely about sex; I have sex and masturbate a LOT. But here’s the thing: I don’t like the idea of anal sex and I don’t think I will ever try it. And everyone I talk to, all the erotic novels I read, praise anal sex. From both the male and female perspective. So now I feel the odd one out, like there’s something wrong with me.
The problem I have is that anal sex really seems to be the ‘in’ thing at the moment. Or maybe it always was and I am only now more aware of it. But almost every book I read, particularly if it involves a threesome, has one – or more – scenes involving anal sex. And it’s not that I am grossed out by it. It just doesn’t do anything for me, especially not since it is often described as painful. And for me – I don’t want pain when I am having sex. I have had too many years of painful sex (due to medical issues) that I want all my sex to be as pain free as possible. Even if it is ‘good’ pain.
So there you have it. I have gotten to the point now that if there is more than one anal sex scene in a book I either skip over the scenes or put the book away. I read erotic fiction to get turned on. The only story I read involving a MMF threesome which did not involve anal sex was Reclaim My Heart by Marie Carney and I was pleasantly surprised by it.
I still feel like the odd one out, and that may continue to be the case. But hey, you do your thing, I do mine and we’ll all be happy, right?
This post is part of the Summer 100 Sex Blogger Challenge. Check out some of the other participants:
Taryn has a hilarious – and slightly scary – post on her blog about the time she lost something in her vagina. She took it quite well, I would have panicked!
Juliet writes about her busy life with all the men in her life. Some guaranteed drama queens and some soft sweethearts.
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No way does that make you inadequate as a sex blogger. Every one has their own preference, and no one should feel “left out of the gang” because there are acts they’re not into. I also much prefer PIV to PIA myself.
I know this post is more than a year old, and that I stumbled across it via an old post tweet, but in case you’re reading this far back, here goes.
First of all, as I’m sure you’ve been told many times by now, you’re not alone. It’s true (and I’ve had this myself) that, as a sex blogger, you do feel at times like everyone else IN THE WHOLE WORLD is into something you aren’t (and if you’re me, that’s just about everything…). There’s bound to be someone else who isn’t into anal sex, and actually, although it’s in vogue (or was, when you wrote this post), I’m fairly sure people are/were writing about it because it is/was seen as transgressive… and bloggers love the shock factor!
My experience with anal is relatively brief. I’ve “given” anal sex once, for about three seconds (so I’m not sure that counts), basically to see what it feels like (and my friend was very game… and it was her idea!). I’ve also given analingus a few times – to three out of four girlfriends – but that’s as far as it goes. I’ve never really had anal sex, and I’ve never, ever, ever been keen to have anything done to me (my second girlfriend offered to rim me a couple of times, but I don’t trust my back passage as I have [UNSPECIFIED GASTROENTEROLOGICAL DISORDER HERE] – plus, I’m a vegetarian, so I fart a lot).
I’m not sure I find the idea gross, like you; I’m just not into it, also like you. It’s not something I really feel the absolute need to do and it’s certainly not something I seek out in porn or erotica. The fact that it’s usually described as painful is also worrying: it shouldn’t be; sex that’s painful means you’re not doing it right (anal enthusiasts usually talk about the importance of lube).
So, yeah. You may have felt left out when you wrote this post, but you’re certainly not alone. I am absolutely with you on this one.