Fantasies of being gang-banged

I consider myself quite vanilla. I have only had sex with 2 men in my life (consensual, that is), I have been with my husband for 21 years (married for almost 17) and we are both monogamous. I like it that way. I am not telling you all these things because I want a medal or anything. Far from it. NO, I am telling you this to frame what I am going to tell you next.

Fantasies are normal

I know that fantasising during sex or masturbation is normal. Heck, I even wrote a blog post about it. The brain is your biggest sex organ, so it would be foolish not to allow it to help you get horny and get an orgasm. It doesn’t really matter what you fantasise about it while doing it, does it? As long as your fantasy isn’t an indicator of an underlying unhealthy or criminal desire, one should be allowed to fantasise about whatever.

My personal fantasy

It’s one thing to say that fantasies are normal when your fantasies are nothing wilder than dreaming of being fucked by a woman. But lately my fantasies have taken a different turn, one that is completely uncharacteristic of me. You see, I have this fantasy of being gang banged. And not just that, but gang banged publicly while men call me a slut and a whore. It’s starts out by a woman telling me what is going to happen and that I must be very brave. She opens my legs, shows my pussy to the room at large and asks the men to take me. She never leaves my side and coaches me through it all, calling me a good girl. She praises me for my ability to take the men with the really large penises, and pushes me to take more men than I thought possible.

Then, when all the men have shot their loads inside me, she goes down on me and licks me clean while stimulating my clit with a powerful wand vibrator. That is usually the moment when I come really hard.

Why do I feel so guilty?

Even writing this down right now makes me cringe, because it’s so not something I would ever want to do in real life. I know that there is nothing wrong with the fantasy I have been having. That is the beauty of fantasies: you can disappear into a different world, a different life, for a few moments and feel great. But society shames anyone who has a desire to go beyond the “normal” way of having sex. Even if you dare utter that you fantasise about something a bit different, you are branded as dirty or deviant. You are made to feel that something is wrong with you.

I’m going to keep fantasising

I love reading erotica and imagining myself in sexual situations I have no wish to experience in real life. I like my fantasies (obviously, or they wouldn’t make me come so hard) and I love how they make me explore different feelings I would not otherwise get to explore. The idea that just because you fantasise about something means you actually want that thing to happen to you is wrong, and harmful. I don’t want to be publicly gang banged (or publicly fucked by a stranger). But the image of a woman (myself) in that situation is sure as hell guaranteed to make me wet and horny. And playing out the scenario in my head will definitely get me a thigh-clenching orgasm.

Not all fantasies I have are ones I would never want to happen in real life. But it’s the ones I generally don’t want to act out in real life that leave me feeling guilty. I will continue to fantasise and maybe one day I will be sexually liberated enough not to feel guilty anymore.