I love being monogamous

I’m a steady-as-you-go-gal. I don’t particularly love surprises. I don’t get excited by a chance encounter with a new partner, or new sexual experiences. The thrill of the hunt, the victory of the capture, are not for me. I am really not that adventurous.

You wouldn’t really be able to tell, would you? I mean, I have lived in three different countries, so on some level I can manage change and I must like some adventure. But that is the only aspect in my life where I can claim to have an adventurous side. I like a steady paycheck, which is why I could never work for myself, as much as the prospect of not having to deal with a boss is alluring to me. I like knowing how much my expenses are going to be, and when I book a holiday, I do so months in advance.

So it is really not a surprise that when it comes to sexuality I am not that adventurous either. I have only had 2 partners in my life (and I know for a sex blogger that is kind of shocking) and I married one of them (the second one in case anyone was wondering). In fact, I have been with my husband for 21 years, so I have had sex with the same partner for 21 years.

Now, you may be thinking that I have a very boring sex life. I am not as interesting as Meg with her Polyam family or Kira who has embarked on a non-monogamous journey with her husband. But I certainly don’t think I lead a boring life. Monogamous is absolutely perfect for me, and not only for the reasons I have mentioned above.

What I love about being in a monogamous relationship is how comfortable we are with each other. We can laugh about silly things in the bedroom. We are not afraid to try new things, because we talk about everything and if it doesn’t work – like that time we tried a very complicated position and collapsed on the bed – we can laugh about it and carry on with something else. I don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed about my body, or about the extra few pounds I have put on in the last years.

tangled limbs

I love how we know each other very well, but yet we still try out new things. We chat about crushes – just because we are monogamous, doesn’t mean we can’t develop a crush on someone else – but we both enjoy being exclusive, so there is no jealousy. We trust each other completely; I don’t care if he goes out with his female friends, he doesn’t worry if I am out with my male friends. Our monogamous relationship isn’t toxic, it’s based on trust and we are both committed to it.

I love reading stories of other bloggers about the sexual adventures they have. I sometimes fantasise about having a threesome with hubby and another woman, but I know I will never make that fantasy a reality. I don’t want to either. I am perfectly content with just hubby.

And in case you think: “Wow, 21 years with the same partner, doesn’t sex become a bit stale by that time?”: no, not for us. In fact, I think we have far better sex now than we ever did when we first met. Maybe it’s our emotional connection, or maybe it’s just that he knows exactly what buttons to push – and vice versa – but it’s never stale. And especially since we introduced sex toys into our lives (about two years ago), we have some different things we can try.

Monogamy is not for everyone, but monogamy doesn’t have to be the toxic, suffocating way you often see it portrayed as. It can be – and for me is/ – liberating. It can be amazing to be with someone who knows you intimately and who you can truly be yourself with. And that is why I love being monogamous.

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6 thoughts on “I love being monogamous”

  1. I love bondage and kinky sex but i too am monogamous. My man and I have only been together 4 and a half years this time around. But we dated over 21 years ago and I knew he was “the one” then, but was scared by my feelings. So instead I had a series of failing monogamous relationships! One good thing to come out of it all were my kids.
    I love monogamy too but can see why it would not be for everyone, and having researched polyamoury for a post I wrote last year, I can very much see why this may work for others. We are all unique and also we all are evolving so what works now may not be the same in years to come – for the youngsters really – i am too old to change too much more 😉 x

  2. You obviously are compatible sexually, which is very important, and so very often is missing. And even if there are some things that the other isn’t into, having willingness to try new things makes all the difference.

    1. I love this post and it resonates with me, my OH and I have been together since 1990. I think communication is key, it gives us the freedom to try new things which may appeal to 1 of us more than the other, talking allows us to check in on how the other one feels and if the new thing we tried suited or jarred – was a turn off or turn on.
      I do have moments when I get distracted by others, and you mention crushes, so I’m obviously not the only one. I also think introducing toys into our relationship, which has been gradual, but certainly more and varied since I became a sex blogger, has added variety and fun. Miss Scarlett has hit a nail on the head too – if your sex kinks were too different that could be a hard obstacle to overcome.

  3. I wouldn’t say you’re too old to change, I’d just say you’re old enough to know what you want and when you’ve found it! As Miss Scarlett said, you’re both very compatible sexually, so ‘problem’ solved!

  4. I think i really need too find a monogamous partner, not exactly now, but at some point of my life. Despite stereotypes, im a completely monogamous guy, never cheated on any relationships i had and didn’t have desires to be with more than one person at same time.

    I tried to be in an open relationship only because my ex wanted, and now, im completely hurt, feeling unable to trust anyone again, basically i sacrificed my own sanity trying to make a miserable relationship work.

    Maybe it’s sound a bit “cringe”, but i prefer to “live a romance” with someone, sex itself is not a big deal for me if love don’t make part of the relationship.

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