I’m a steady-as-you-go-gal. I don’t particularly love surprises. I don’t get excited by a chance encounter with a new partner, or new sexual experiences. The thrill of the hunt, the victory of the capture, are not for me. I am really not that adventurous.
You wouldn’t really be able to tell, would you? I mean, I have lived in three different countries, so on some level I can manage change and I must like some adventure. But that is the only aspect in my life where I can claim to have an adventurous side. I like a steady paycheck, which is why I could never work for myself, as much as the prospect of not having to deal with a boss is alluring to me. I like knowing how much my expenses are going to be, and when I book a holiday, I do so months in advance.
So it is really not a surprise that when it comes to sexuality I am not that adventurous either. I have only had 2 partners in my life (and I know for a sex blogger that is kind of shocking) and I married one of them (the second one in case anyone was wondering). In fact, I have been with my husband for 21 years, so I have had sex with the same partner for 21 years.
Now, you may be thinking that I have a very boring sex life. I am not as interesting as Meg with her Polyam family or Kira who has embarked on a non-monogamous journey with her husband. But I certainly don’t think I lead a boring life. Monogamous is absolutely perfect for me, and not only for the reasons I have mentioned above.
What I love about being in a monogamous relationship is how comfortable we are with each other. We can laugh about silly things in the bedroom. We are not afraid to try new things, because we talk about everything and if it doesn’t work – like that time we tried a very complicated position and collapsed on the bed – we can laugh about it and carry on with something else. I don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed about my body, or about the extra few pounds I have put on in the last years.
I love how we know each other very well, but yet we still try out new things. We chat about crushes – just because we are monogamous, doesn’t mean we can’t develop a crush on someone else – but we both enjoy being exclusive, so there is no jealousy. We trust each other completely; I don’t care if he goes out with his female friends, he doesn’t worry if I am out with my male friends. Our monogamous relationship isn’t toxic, it’s based on trust and we are both committed to it.
I love reading stories of other bloggers about the sexual adventures they have. I sometimes fantasise about having a threesome with hubby and another woman, but I know I will never make that fantasy a reality. I don’t want to either. I am perfectly content with just hubby.
And in case you think: “Wow, 21 years with the same partner, doesn’t sex become a bit stale by that time?”: no, not for us. In fact, I think we have far better sex now than we ever did when we first met. Maybe it’s our emotional connection, or maybe it’s just that he knows exactly what buttons to push – and vice versa – but it’s never stale. And especially since we introduced sex toys into our lives (about two years ago), we have some different things we can try.
Monogamy is not for everyone, but monogamy doesn’t have to be the toxic, suffocating way you often see it portrayed as. It can be – and for me is/ – liberating. It can be amazing to be with someone who knows you intimately and who you can truly be yourself with. And that is why I love being monogamous.
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