I am a highly organised person. I am also a bit of a perfectionist. Look for example at my commitment to the Summer 100 Sex Blogging Challenge. We are almost halfway through the challenge and I have blogged every day. Some days I didn’t feel like blogging. Some days I thought I had nothing to say. But I kept going, because I am committed to writing as close to 100 blog posts in three months as I can.
I wear many hats. I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, an employee, a blogger, a writer. I try to be good at all those things. I never want to let anyone down. And I am very good at being highly productive. I pride myself in being able to work full time, maintain an active blog, write books and be actively involved in my children’s life. Often people ask me the dreaded question, ‘How do you do it all?’ as if there is some magic to it. Let me tell you: all there is to it is a tight day planner and a hope and a prayer that you never forget anything.
Too many hats
I love how my blog has picked up. I love testing sex toys and writing reviews. I love having become more serious about writing in the last half year. These are all things I do for me. Isabelle, the individual. It’s my form of self care. But that does mean that I have not been able to give quite as much as a mother, or a wife. I have tried to maintain the same level of care, but there was always conflict, and in that conflict, Isabelle the individual always lost out to Isabelle the mother or Isabelle the wife. (Isabelle the employee never gets a break.) I tried to wear my many hats too well and I failed.
It’s okay to let go
I need to learn that it is okay to not be perfect at my many roles. No one is perfect and I would be well on my way to a nervous breakdown if I tried to be. As I said, I am a perfectionist, and as a perfectionist it is very hard to say ‘this is good enough’. I want to be the best. But my husband is very supportive and steps in where needed and my kids aren’t going to suffer because I take half an hour in the evening to write or blog. Hubby is delighted to help out with the sex toy testing where needed.
I think that in the rat race that is life, too often we feel pressured to perform to some silly ideal standard that we -as women particularly – are held to. I wrote before about the guilt we as women constantly feel, and that stands in this context to. I still have to remind myself often that it is okay to let go. That I don’t have to organise everyone and everything. That I sometimes can say ‘not my problem’. We all deserve ‘me’-time and our batteries will not recharge themselves. And above all, I have to stop trying to be all things to all people.
Ani has an eyeopening blog post on her blog, The Story of A, about the link between romantic fantasy, divorce and domestic violence, which is well worth a read.
This vibrator which Tess reviews over at her blog (which is in Dutch) looks awesome. I love the curve of it, I may have to try and score one myself.