Privacy: to be valued highly


Privacy is of the utmost importance to me. It’s not a secret that I write my blog under a pseudonym. I don’t show my face on my blog and my avatar is carefully cropped so that my son’s signature isn’t showing. I value my privacy, not only in my life as a sex blogger but also in my personal life. If you were to look me up on the internet using my legal name, you’d get lots of hits, none of which would be me.

But it’s not only my own privacy I value. I know some couples who have joint email accounts. Or who would see no problem in checking each other’s phones. I often joke with my husband that if one of us dies, the other one would never be able to update the social media profiles of the deceased one, because we simply don’t have access to each other’s accounts.

I like it that way. Snooping on my husband would display an utter lack of trust on my part. If there is anything he’d like to share with me, he will. He knows my pseudonym and has read some parts of my blog, but I know he doesn’t keep tabs on me and as he’s not really interested in sex blogging or erotica, he doesn’t follow my sex account. Not that I have anything to hide…Same with our children. I do have the passwords for my kids’ email accounts and the unlock code for their phones, but I can’t remember the last time I accessed them. I have raised them to be sensible and careful and I trust that they can keep themselves safe online. (We do have an open-door policy in our house in that if they aren’t changing, the doors stay open so we can see what they do on the computer.)

I very much value the privacy of everyone I meet online. I will never try to find out your real identity and even if I do know it – because I have met you at Eroticon or because I have sent you something – I will never reveal it and chances are I will have forgotten your legal name (though not so much your face). If I were to run into you unexpectedly in “real life”, I’d refrain from using your sex blogger name and only greet you with “hey you!”. After all, I don’t know whether the people you are with know your sex blogger identity.

I do think it’s hard to stay private in the twenty-first century. After all, we have facial recognition apps and the internet seems to be able to link everything together. I don’t think it’s possible for me to be completely anonymous, especially not in my “vanilla” life. But I try to be sensible and careful. I don’t post pictures of myself and my kids online. I don’t have a Facebook or Instagram account and I don’t even use Twitter in my real name. 

When my oldest son was a baby I had a blog for a few months. I did post pictures of him online then, but I soon stopped. Mainly because I was too busy, but I’m happy I did stop because he never consented to have those pictures online. Now whenever I want to share pictures of them (or myself), I just email my family. The only one of whom I post pictures online is my pug (and even then selectively and only on my vanilla Twitter account. Is there such a thing as facial recognition for dogs?).

Some of my friends have called me paranoid. They think it’s weird I don’t want any pictures of me posted online. I even decline to be photographed for work if the pictures are going on the internal website. But I don’t think I am really missing out at all. I don’t mind that people can’t really find anything about me online. That the only presence I have is through my blog which is in my pseudonym. 

Everyone is different. I am not saying that my way is the only way, but it’s how I like to do things. I’m lucky I have a husband who sees it the same way and we can be private together. 

To see how other people deal with privacy, click on the badge below.


The Insatiable Jane Travers coverThe Insatiable Jane Travers is out now!

It’s the roaring twenties.

Desperate to escape the stifling confines of her life with her aunt and uncle in New York, Jane Travers arrives at her friend Rachel’s country home determined to enjoy a summer full of fun and excitement. Rachel has promised her risqué parties, but what awaits Jane is beyond her wildest dreams. Guided by her old flame, Sidney Fitzroy, and the sensual singer Lillian Smith, Jane enthusiastically embarks on a journey of sexual self-discovery.

With Sidney and Lillian both satisfying her deepest desires, Jane sheds her restrictive upbringing and embraces her newfound freedom. As her feelings for both Lillian and Sidney intensify, Jane faces an impossible choice: a stable future with Sidney or a lifetime of excitement with Lillian.

But how can she choose when her heart belongs to both of them?

4 thoughts on “Privacy: to be valued highly”

  1. Brilliant post – I am with u on so much of this. If u put my real name into google u would get zero. No images or writing and I like that. Paranoid! never lol. Seriously I love the attitude u and your husband have about each others privacy. I have written in my own post that if you don’t respect your lover’s privacy then u don’t respect them as a person. It took me along way to get to that point because of a bad relationship prior but i truly believe that now x

  2. Privacy in this age is difficult. We can be tracked in so many ways by all kinds ofpeople. I know I take risks by keeping a blog like I do and posting photos, even without my face. I worry every once in awhile aboutt he possible repercussions. But…I’ve made he decision to simply take them as they come. I respect your opinion on keeping your face and your family off the net though, It’s definitely sensible.

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