Sex toy review: Bumpy Betty Vibe

Bumpy Betty Vibe in package

It is rare that I test a sex toy that I really don’t get on with at all. I usually am able to make it work somehow. Even the Tantus Goliath, as big as it was, was able to fit inside me with some coaxing and a lot of lube. It just wasn’t my favourite. But the Bumpy Betty Vibe made by Pink B.O.B. firmly falls into the category of toys I will never use again.

First off, I have to say that the PR person for Pink B.O.B. is really lovely. I have had many wonderful email exchanges with her where she listened and responded to some of my concerns with Pink B.O.B.’s name. I just really don’t like Battery Operated Boyfriend as a name for sex toys and anyone reading my blog will understand why. Which is another reason why I am sad that this toy isn’t the greatest, to say it politely.

Bumpy Betty Vibe side view

Let’s get the facts out of the way. The Bumpy Betty Vibe is a battery operated vibrator with a nicely curved body for G spot stimulation. I liked the look of this vibrator and I liked the idea of the bumps as I am a girl who likes a bit of texture. It’s 6.25 inches long and has a diameter of 1.4 inches. Not exactly huge, I would say. It has 7 settings – 3 speeds and 4 patterns. The buttons are super easy to operate and I like that there is a different button to turn it on as for the functions. It is made of silicone and ABS.

The package the Bumpy Betty Vibe came in was less than ideal. It’s a plastic sleeve which has no safety seal, so anyone could have tampered with it. I always clean my sex toys before use, but I took extra care with the Bumpy Betty Vibe due to the loose packaging.

Bumpy Betty Vibe controls

The Bumpy Betty Vibe takes 2 AAA batteries. I try not to be too judgemental of toys that take batteries before I have tried them, as I have been surprised in the past (see the Sh! Bliss G Vibe). That doesn’t mean I am not still a bit wary of them. Keeping an open mind, I found 2 AAA batteries (as the toy doesn’t come with them), slid them in place and turned on the vibe. Right away I was disappointed. I hadn’t expected super rumbly vibes, not with 2 AAA batteries, but the buzziness of the vibration was truly awful. It barely registered in my hand, my clit wouldn’t even begin to enjoy this.

To ensure I would get the most sensation from the Bumpy Betty Vibe, I used it when I was most aroused before I had used any other stimulation. And yes, my clit did enjoy being tickled by this vibe. For all of five minutes. After that it just became an annoying buzz which did nothing for me. Abandoning this, I thought I’d try inserting the toy as I do like G spot stimulation. As I needed to be a bit more aroused for insertion, I played around with some other toys before getting back to the Bumpy Betty Vibe.

Close up of bumps on the Bumpy Betty Vibe

And that’s where things took a wrong turn. I am sure that this is the fault of my body and not the toy, but I could not insert this toy. At all. Now, I have already mentioned above that I was able to make the Tantus Goliath work with my body, although that was a really tight fit. And the Goliath is much bigger than the Bumpy Betty Vibe. So I think it was the bumps. Apparently my body needs to have a smooth-ish shaft for insertion as the Bumby Betty Vibe hurt like hell when I tried to insert it. I valiently tried a few times, but then gave up. Playing with sex toys should not be torture.

The inability of this toy of being inserted combined with the very weak vibrations makes this a no go for me. I generally don’t like insertable toys, so I really rely on strong vibrations to get me off and the Bumpy Betty Vibe did not deliver in that area. That is not to say that this toy in itself has no potential. Put a bigger motor in it, maybe make it rechargeable and waterproof and I’m on board. And this is not to say that women with a more flexible vaginal opening can’t enjoy this toy internally. I am aware that this is my body being weird (I think it has something to do with the positioning of my pubic bone), so I can’t ding the toy for that.

You can get the Bumpy Betty Vibe at Pink B.O.B. for $24.99, so it won’t break the bank either.

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