Why it is time to stop trying to conform

women in power

I have always wanted to dye my hair blue. When I was in uni I regularly changed my hair style and hair colour. From red to black to blonde, it was never a dull moment with my hair. But I was never brave enough to do blue. This week, after more than 20 years, I finally took the decision to just go for it. I bleached my hair on Saturday and hopefully by the end of the week I will be sporting a blue hairdo.

A small act of rebellion

The above anecdote serves to illustrate the fact that I have decided not to conform to society’s standards of how a woman, a mother, should look anymore. It’s a very small act of rebellion on my part. Ever since starting my sex blog, I have become more and more bold. Not just in my sex life, but in everything I do. While I acknowledge that certain societal restraints are good (we don’t want people to go around killing each other, for example), a lot of what society deems respectable or acceptable comes down to control and nothing else. What should it matter whether I have blue hair or green hair or brown hair? Does that make me a better person?

The judgement of others doesn’t matter

People can be so judgemental. And not just about hair colour or the way you dress; even more about sex. Everyone has his or her ideas of what is acceptable in a sexual context and it seems that this is an area people are particularly vocal about. Anything that deviates from the ‘norm’ is considered kinky or pervy. Which is partly why people are reluctant to be open about sex. We are afraid of being judged.

That fear of being open about sex can be detrimental to our sexual health. I find that since I have followed and chatted with other sex bloggers, I am far more comfortable with my sexuality. I have become more confident communicating with my husband what I want in a sexual context, which has greatly improved our sex life. I am enjoying my life so much right now and the realisation hit me: the judgement of others doesn’t matter at all. Let them talk. Let them be bitter about how great my life is. They have no control over me.

Stop trying to conform

Maybe I have reached a certain age where I have less fucks to give about silly stuff. And when I was younger I never really tried to conform. It has only been since I had kids that I felt I needed to ‘fit in’ more. Dress a certain way. Have my hair a certain style. Well, no longer. I am me. I am unique and I am going to stop trying to conform. I am going to do things my way. It has been so liberating. Even the small act of bleaching my hair was awesome. If it all goes wrong and I end up with faded dish water green hair (which I won’t), I don’t care. I feel like I have found myself again, I am ME again and it’s awesome.

You do you

I always find the expression ‘you do you’ a bit silly, but it does describe what I want to say here. Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do. Laugh in the face of judgemental people and they will soon find they have no power over you. Pursue your dreams, play outside the box and above all, be yourself.

summer 100 sex blogger challenge logo

This post is part of the Summer 100 Sex Blogger Challenge. Check out posts by some of the other participants:

Victoria writes about the best way to go about arranging a threesome at her blog, Euphoric Epiphany.

Rose has a great guide on what to do if the woman you are having sex with squirts, at her blog Oh Gush.

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