I never was a “feelings” kind of girl. My mum was quite a down-to-earth mother and didn’t allow us to wallow in our feelings. I grew up thinking that an overt display of feelings was dramatic and should be avoided at all times.
Society doesn’t really like feelings either. Men are taught from a young age that displaying emotions is not manly and should be avoided at all times. Women are often branded as hysterical drama-queens who exaggerate everything. It’s no wonder we are all so messed up.
However, feelings are important. I hardly need to state that on this blog. Emotions are what makes us human and we need this for successful interaction with others. But it is hard to trust your feelings when you are constantly told that you are overreacting or that things really aren’t as bad as you think they are.
I have experienced a lot of gaslighting and misogyny in my life, particularly in the work place. My current boss has an inflated sense of himself. Sadly that does mean that he engages in a LOT of gaslighting, twisting and turning the fact so they suit his narrative. Any discussion about how he makes me feel, he brushes off as either nonsense or me overreacting.
Because of the way I was raised I have had a steep learning curve with regards to my feelings. I used to believe it when people told me I blew things out of proportions, or that I was a drama queen. I would take them at their word and push everything down inside of me, ignoring my doubts or writing off my frustration as overreactions. But after a recent encounter with my boss, the scales fell off my eyes. I could see him twisting the facts, trying to make himself seem in the right while putting me down. And it was in that moment that I knew I was right to feel frustrated. That I shouldn’t let a man dictate what I am supposed to feel.
Our feelings guide us. They tell us whether a situation is good or bad for us. They warn us if there is danger, whatever form this danger may take. Men will try to manipulate our feelings all the time. It’s what they were raised to do. But we need to resist that. Women have a great sense of intuition and we need to listen to our guts. We also need to stand up for ourselves and admit when something makes us feel uncomfortable. We need to not back down when a man tries to make light of such a situation or tries to tell us we’re being too sensitive. We need to start trusting our feelings.
I am so grateful that I started sex blogging. I wouldn’t have grown as much if I hadn’t met all these wonderful bloggers and other sex positive women who have taught me so much. There are a lot of empowering women in the world now and I love how they open my eyes on a daily basis to the misogyny still in the world. Pleasure Connoisseurs has a great way of looking at this through music. And Carly from Dildo or Dildon’t writes about how she won’t allow society to make her feel bad about being feminine. There are many other great women out there, blogging proudly about who they are and they won’t back down. During my day job I often have to remind myself of these women – and of how strong the patriarchy still is. But I am starting to trust my feelings, so I am on the way to being completely empowered.
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