I love blogging about sex. Whether it’s writing erotica, reviewing sex toys or ranting about the close-mindedness of society when it comes to sex, I love having this blog to express my thoughts. But, as you may have noticed, I haven’t blogged in over two months. That’s because it’s been that long since I’ve felt sexy, or even had sex. Two months without sex makes me feel like a fraud when it comes to sex blogging.
Libido is fickle. My libido was practically non-existent for years until I had my hysterectomy. Pain from endometriosis made it difficult to be in the mood for sex, but after that had gone, my libido returned with a vengeance. So much so that my husband had difficulty keeping up with my sex drive. I loved this change. I started this blog, began to acquire a lot of sex toys and started writing erotica. It felt as if I was a different person.
Two months ago, my mother in law died. I also got kidney stones, which made me feel miserable. And as a result of all that, my libido fled. I valiantly tried to keep writing erotica. As my husband left to be with his family, I tried masturbating, but even that didn’t get me in the mood. Slowly, my sex drive trickled away and I didn’t even think about sex anymore.
In the past two months I’ve been able to write a little bit of erotica, but that’s been the extent of any sexual activity in my life. I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to be aroused. I’ve considered giving up my blog and writing erotica. Seeing my book sales dwindle due to my lack of promotion hasn’t helped either. I felt like a fraud, like I best pack it in and draw a line under my existence as a sex blogger and erotica writer.
My libido hasn’t come back yet. It’s been two months without sex and because of the pain I’m still in, it’s not looking like that’s going to change any time soon. But there is some light at the end of the tunnel. This weekend I wrote a sexy short story for Frolic Me. It was well received by my editor, which gave me a real boost of confidence. I have picked up writing Submission in the Mansion, falling in love with the characters and the story again. It will be published at the end of November, so I’ll need to keep writing or it will never get done.
I did publish another erotica story in the past two months. It was one that I’d written before and only had to edit. Sated is a rare MMF threesome story (I don’t usually like that pairing), which I really enjoyed writing.
It’s difficult for me, as a sex writer, to admit that my libido is low at the moment. I know this is temporary and will change as soon as I get these stupid kidney stones sorted, but it’s demoralising nevertheless. I’ve stayed away from Twitter for the same reason: seeing all my fellow sex bloggers create amazing content, seeing my mutuals feeling frisky and horny just made me feel even more useless.
I just have to remember that there’s no shame in having a diminished sex drive. I know it will come back. Hiding from anything sexy while my libido is low isn’t the answer. Sometimes my libido needs to be coaxed. Although I’m in too much pain to have sex, my brain can still conjure up arousing and sexy stories. I just have to sit down, write and not worry about the amount of sex I’m currently having.
It’s been a difficult two months and I’m not out of the woods yet, but knowing that my readers are here for me makes me feel a lot better. Please consider buying one of my books, if you haven’t already, or pre-ordering Submission in the Mansion. It would mean a lot to me.
He said I was insatiable. I suppose he was right.
Amber is always up for sex. Josh is an amazing lover, even if he doesn’t manage to completely satisfy her. Desperate to give his wife what she deserves, Josh invites their friend Ryan over for a night of passion. Can both men succeed to sate her completely?