We don’t talk enough about sex. In a society that is getting more progressive, open and tolerant, talking about sex is still frowned upon. We still lower our voices and whisper as soon as we breach the subject and we only talk about it with people we know for sure are like minded.
Open about sex benefits us individually
If I think about how different my life could have been had I been able to be open about sex with my friends and/or sisters, I get upset. Growing up in a conservative Christian household, I never received much in the way of sex education. My school didn’t offer it at all and my parents told me the barest they could get away with. Until I was 19 I thought that sex was only for procreation within the confines of marriage. No one had even told me that it could be enjoyable.
Even when I started having sex (before I got married actually – shocker!) there was still so much I didn’t know. Mind you, I never knew I didn’t know much (the old “you don’t know what you don’t know” saying); I only found out later when I started reading up on sex on the internet. But it would have benefitted me greatly to have been able to talk about sex with my friends, or sisters, in a safe environment. Nowadays I can talk about sex with my fellow sex bloggers, which is great, but I still don’t really talk about it with people I am close to in real life.
Open about sex can benefit us in our relationships
This reluctance for talking about sex carries over into our relationships, where we have sex, but still don’t communicate our needs and desires nearly as much as we could. Hubby and I have just come out of a rough patch sexually (I had some medical issues that prevented me from wanting or enjoying sex) and now that my libido is in full swing, we seem to have sex all the time. With the start of my sex blog and me writing an erotic novel, I have become more open about sex with hubby too. We talk more about our fantasies and I am able to ask for what I want. I am even open about masturbating, something I could not dream of confessing to him even a few years ago.
I regret not talking about sex with hubby in the time when we hardly had any sex. It was the proverbial elephant in the room, but that rough patch could have been made so much smoother had we been able to talk about his needs and desires. I would have felt less guilty about not being able to give him what he needed – and I may have even been able to “help” him in other ways. Luckily we came through this difficult time largely unscathed, but it could have been so much worse.
I have started being more open about sex myself with my sisters. Some of them have welcomed this and some of them don’t want to talk about it at all. But all change starts small and I can’t lament the fact that we never talk about sex with those close to us if I don’t start myself. I am also more open about having a sex blog and writing erotica. I don’t shout it from the mountain top, but I don’t hide it anymore eiher. I hope in this way to maybe make a small difference.
This post is part of the Summer 100 Sex Blogger Challenge. Check out some post of some of the other participants:
Carly has a great post on her blog, Dildo or DilDon’t, about accepting your vulva the way it is.
Stephanie tells it how it is in her blog post about why it is okay to say no to your partner.