Becoming myself – thanks to you

Women dancing
Photo by Dennis Magati from Pexels

This is going to be a short one because I don’t have a lot of time and I wanted to put some thoughts down for Wicked Wednesday. I am because we are is the theme for this week and, as you may have guessed, I have a few things to say about this.

I’m sure a lot of people will take this theme and extol the amazing virtues of their loved ones. And there is nothing wrong with that. We often are shaped by the ones closest to us: our parents, our partners. And it’s not that my partner hasn’t shaped me in some way but in others, not so much. When we first got married, I had this idea that I had to agree with my husband on everything. Whatever he liked, I endeavoured to like as well. And if I had a hobby he wasn’t really into, I quickly stopped having that hobby.

I want to point out here that this was in no way my partner’s doing. He had no idea I was aligning myself with him to the point of erasing who I really was. Especially in the busy years of raising kids and going through post-graduate education, there wasn’t much time for hobbies anyway. I dabbled in writing, but never really took the time to be serious about it.

When I joined the sex blogging community about three years ago, it was as if I was finally home. I felt like I had finally found the place where I belonged. Over the years, I was becoming myself again – relearning what it was that made me tick all those years ago. Learning what my interests – no, passions – were. My partner was delighted with these new developments. He loved seeing me blossom and getting more serious about my dreams. He has been nothing but supportive about everything, even if it meant me going away on weekend conferences.

I am because we are. We, the sex blogging community. You all welcomed me with open arms when I was just a baby blogger. I was just talking about my rocky start in last week’s Wicked Wednesday post. But it hasn’t just been rocky. Thanks to the sex blogging community I have come to see my own privilege, my own subconscious bias. I have developed to become a more inclusive and sensitive person, and although I still have a long way to go on that road, I am so thankful that my eyes have been opened.

I am a kinder person than I was before I started blogging about sex. Kinder and more patient. I am much more tolerant and I make more of an effort to understand others. Especially when those others are very different than me. I am also a better mom to my sons, raising them in a non-toxic way and ensuring that they respect women. I know more about consent and am able to teach my kids effectively how to be a caring person in their own right. They are still (pre-)teens, but that kind of learning can’t start soon enough.

I am becoming myself thanks to all of you. I may sometimes feel frustrated at the lack of traffic to my blog (although that is increasing) or the lack of interest in my book, but when I think about how far I have come since I started blogging, I’m amazed. I am so grateful to all of you for helping me become myself.

I realise I haven’t written a lot of sexy blog posts recently, but I promise I will fling some erotica up on the blog again soon. Just bear with me.

To see what others have written about this theme, click the badge below.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

The Insatiable Jane Travers coverThe Insatiable Jane Travers is out now!

It’s the roaring twenties.

Desperate to escape the stifling confines of her life with her aunt and uncle in New York, Jane Travers arrives at her friend Rachel’s country home determined to enjoy a summer full of fun and excitement. Rachel has promised her risqué parties, but what awaits Jane is beyond her wildest dreams. Guided by her old flame, Sidney Fitzroy, and the sensual singer Lillian Smith, Jane enthusiastically embarks on a journey of sexual self-discovery.

With Sidney and Lillian both satisfying her deepest desires, Jane sheds her restrictive upbringing and embraces her newfound freedom. As her feelings for both Lillian and Sidney intensify, Jane faces an impossible choice: a stable future with Sidney or a lifetime of excitement with Lillian.

But how can she choose when her heart belongs to both of them?

2 Replies to “Becoming myself – thanks to you”

  1. I am right there with you, as I too feel that I have changed so much through the sex blogging community, all in a positive way, kinder, more patient, more tolerant, more confident. Great post!

    Rebel xox

  2. We start off thinking it’s just going to be the writing but when we find such a caring and supportive community we can’t help but see the impact that has on many other aspects of our lives.


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