My family and I have been in lockdown since the 15th of May. By my calculation, that makes today 15 weeks of being cooped up in the house together. For the last three weeks, my youngest son had been able to go to school, which had been very good for him, but for the rest of us, the only time we get out is to do groceries (my husband), walk the dog (me) or go for a run (my oldest son).
We are not usually a very active and outgoing family. Most weekends we end up staying home rather than go out. What we do love, and what we are sorely missing, is going away for a long weekend or a week during term breaks. We had a family holiday planned in May for 10 days which we had to cancel. And the possibility that we’ll have to cancel our summer holiday is looking more and more real.
Not only that but with my oldest son in the house all the time, I don’t have much privacy to masturbate. I used to love my working from home days, because it meant that I always had the house to myself for about half an hour when my husband took the kids to school. Without fail, no matter whether I was horny or not, I’d use that time to masturbate. And it made such a difference to my mental health (and my libido!).
Lockdown is giving all of us cabin fever. After 15 weeks of only seeing each other, we’re starting to feel a bit frazzled. Tempers flare easier and temper tantrums are the order of the day. I’m generally the peacekeeper in our household, but since it’s nigh on impossible to get some good, relaxing masturbation time, I find my patience wearing very thin very quickly.
Of course, there are workarounds. I can masturbate in the shower (which I do) or late at night when everyone’s asleep. But I don’t want workarounds. I want lazy play sessions with myself, in which I can sprawl out naked on my bed with various toys strewn around me and time to try them all. In the 15 weeks of lockdown, I’ve only been able to have that time once. That was a few weeks ago when my husband decided to take the kids biking. It was heavenly and gave me a must-needed boost.
I’ve been able to hold it together quite well during this lockdown. And although the restrictions are slowly being lifted in the UK, I don’t have any inclination to go out and go shopping. Or visit a park or anything. I still want to stay away from people. But the lack of privacy in my house is getting to me. It’s hard to relax when you’re constantly “on”. I’m always there for my husband and kids, but that does mean I don’t have much time for myself.
I never thought not masturbating would have such an impact. Masturbating always felt a bit self-indulgent to me, but I now see that it’s essential to my mental health. I need to masturbate to stay grounded, relaxed and mentally strong. Not just the two-minute quick rub to an orgasm, but the leisurely exploration of my body, pushing myself to the edge time and time again before, finally, allowing myself to crash over and come more than once. I miss that, not out of indulgence, but out of a need to be with myself. To reconnect to who I am. To have a half hour or so in my day during which I don’t have to be a mother or a wife, but can totally be myself.
Lockdown affects every person differently. I thought I was doing quite well with it until I started to explore why my patience is so short these days. I might need a chat with my husband, see if I can convince him to take the kids out for an extended period of time again. Maybe I can wank myself relaxed again then.
I wrote this post as part of Brigit’s Erotic Journal Challenge. To see what others have written on the theme of Relaxed, click the button below.
Hot librarian Rachel loves her job and the perks that come with it. When she is caught spying on a couple having sex between the bookshelves, that should mean the end of her job. However, Chris has other ideas. Instead of reporting her, he has a proposal for her. As Rachel enthusiastically embarks on a journey full of sex and depravity with Chris, it soon becomes clear that his mind is even more twisted than hers.
Can she endure everything he instructs her to do and can he succeed in making her his submissive?
A dark, twisted BDSM novella.