Too much sex will cause a flaccid penis

Banana shaped like a penis

This is a sarcstic, tongue-in-cheek piece.

We have all read the articles/opinions of random men on social media about how a woman, when she has sex with a lot of different partners, will get a loose vagina. Apparently having lots of sex with one man is fine, though, it’s just the multiple-partner thing that seems to do the damage.

But what is less known is that having sex with multiple partners can also damage a man’s penis. Again, as with women, having a lot of sex with one partner is fine.

Research* has shown that with each sexual encounter with another woman, the penis will shrink a little bit. The vascular system inside a penis is made up of millions of different veins, which pump the blood to the penis, allowing the penis to become erect during sex. When the penis is introduced to different vaginas – different “environments” so to speak – this shocks the vascular system so that the veins contract. This then allows less blood to flood to the area, making the penis less erect and thick.

sad, dead tree

Another side effect of sleeping with a lot of different women is that the skin of the penis loses its elasticity. When the skin is less elastic, the penis does not have as much room to grow. Combined with the effect of the damage to the vascular system in the penis, this will result in thinner, shorter erections which will fail to pleasure a woman.

Because of the above effect, the penis will stay erect for a shorter period of time as well. The combined effect of loss of elasticity and shrinkage of the veins in the penis means that the blood will not accumulate in the quantities needed for a big, sustained erection and the blood will flow back into the body after a unsatisfactorily short time. Not only does this mean that the penis will remain in a state of semi-flaccidness during sex, but also outside of sexual activity, the penis will appear shrunken. If a man has sex with a critically high amount of women, it has been known to happen that the penis will shrink to a microscopically small stub, incapable of pleasing any woman.

So, women: make sure you find a man who has had sex with fewer than three partners. Any more than three and the effect of too much sex will have already taken hold. It is far better to find yourself a virgin. The added bonus of having a man who is a virgin is that you can teach him the correct way of pleasing you, ensuring yourself a lifetime of pleasure with a penis in its optimal form.

GET A GRIP!

Does this all sound ridiculous? It is no less ridiculous than the stupid, ridiculous lie that women will become loose from having sex with a lot of different partners. In fact, I think my article makes more sense: the vagina is designed to push out a baby (some of which can be 10lbs!) and then shrink back to its original size. But you never hear those same people say that women who have babies are loose, or even that women who have a lot of sex with one man will have loose vaginas.

So can we just stop it with the slut shaming? Our bodies are amazing and lots of sex – whether with lots of different partners or just one – will not do any damage to it. In fact, it is well-known that lots of sex strengthens the pelvic muscles, making the vagina tighter. So, there you go: lots of sex is good for you.


* I don’t have to tell you what research, just take my word for it that there was research.

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