What does intimacy mean to me?

The prompt for this week’s Food4Thought is intimacy. I don’t think I have written a lot about intimacy on my blog, so this is a timely prompt for me. You would have expected that, as a sex blogger, I would have written a lot about intimacy, so it’s a surprise to me too that none of my older blog posts really fit the bill. Not that I mind writing something new…

So…what does intimacy mean to me?

To me, there are so many different ways you can be intimate with a person. Of course the most obvious is sexual intimacy. Having sex with a person is a very intimate act, and I especially find that the case when I have sex with my husband. Sometimes I crave sex not so much because I crave orgasms or pleasure (although that is, of course, always welcome), but because I want to be close to him. I crave that intimacy.

Intimacy also means being open and honest with a person. Being completely vulnerable with them. Allowing your true self to be on display and sharing this with another person. One’s partner is not the only person one can be intimate with. And there are also different levels of intimacy. I don’t think I’ll ever have the level of intimacy with another person as I have with my husband, but I do have intimate moments with other people.

Intimacy is very important to me. I love that my husband and I have been together for almost 25 years. We have created a very intimate bond with each other, one that I don’t have with anyone else. At the same time, it is still important to me that I can be intimate with friends as well. I don’t want to limit my intimacy to only one person.

Is it all about sex then?

I don’t think intimacy is all about sex. I think sex is the most obvious thing when you think or talk about intimacy, but it’s not the only way. You can be intimate with someone when you cuddle them, legs entwine, faces close together. You speak softly with each other, bare your soul to one another. That can be very intimate.

But it’s also possible to be intimate on the phone, or even over the internet. As I said above, intimacy is about being vulnerable with another person and opening yourself up to them. You can do that in a conversation as well. Intimacy doesn’t always have to be physical.

On the other hand, sex does not automatically equal intimacy. It’s possible to have sex with someone without the encounter becoming very intimate. A quick fuck, rough and hard, doesn’t particularly feel intimate. Not that it can’t.

What are things I consider intimate?

There are loads of non-sexual activities I would consider intimate. Apart from the ones I’ve already mentioned above in general terms, I find sharing food, or drinks, very intimate. I wouldn’t do that with someone I didn’t trust or felt very comfortable with. Also confessing my fantasies (not necessarily sexual) with someone can be very intimate. It’s a way of opening up to someone and I don’t do that with just everyone. It’s like giving a piece of my soul away and I need to trust you to do that.

I don’t have a particularly kinky sex life, but I could imagine that even a gang bang or an orgy can be very intimate. Especially with a gang bang, you’re quite vulnerable and in the hands of others. You have to trust that they won’t go too far and that they will stop when you ask them to. That creates an atmosphere of intimacy.

Another way I feel I’m being intimate with my husband is when we share inside jokes or quotes from movies we love to watch. Those moments draw on our long history of being together, which creates an intimate bond. I love that I can sometimes just share a look with him and we both know exactly what we’re thinking. It’s almost telepathy.

There are loads of ways to be intimate with another person. And everyone will interpret intimacy in a different way. To read what others think about this subject, click the badge below.

 

The Insatiable Jane Travers is out now!

It’s the roaring twenties.

Desperate to escape the stifling confines of her life with her aunt and uncle in New York, Jane Travers arrives at her friend Rachel’s country home determined to enjoy a summer full of fun and excitement. Rachel has promised her risqué parties, but what awaits Jane is beyond her wildest dreams. Guided by her old flame, Sidney Fitzroy, and the sensual singer Lillian Smith, Jane enthusiastically embarks on a journey of sexual self-discovery.

With Sidney and Lillian both satisfying her deepest desires, Jane sheds her restrictive upbringing and embraces her newfound freedom. As her feelings for both Lillian and Sidney intensify, Jane faces an impossible choice: a stable future with Sidney or a lifetime of excitement with Lillian.

But how can she choose when her heart belongs to both of them?