The more I become sexually aware, and the more I talk about sex with other women, the more I realise there is no “acceptable standard” of sex. I know it’s a bit weird to be saying this in 2018, and at the age of 40(ish), but until I started blogging about sex about a year and a half ago, I never really talked to anyone about sex. And if you don’t talk about sex, you only have your own experience to go on. That, and books/porn, which is not a good guide.
For example, I never really liked deep penetration. I did when I first became sexually active, but thanks to endometriosis, deep penetration eventually became a source of pain rather than a source of pleasure. Thankfully, now that I had a full hysterectomy including the removal of my cervix, I can enjoy deep penetration again, although not to the same extent as I used to. At least it doesn’t hurt anymore. And there are plenty of other women out there who don’t really like their cervix stimulated.
Likewise there are things I enjoy that others may now. I love a man going down on me, but Ani doesn’t like cunnilingus at all, and that is fine too. We are all different and we don’t all have to like the same thing. I, for example, really don’t get what all the fuss about anal is about, as it’s not something that I am even interested in trying.
Another sexual activity I cannot get into, no matter how many times I have tried, is simultaneous oral sex, or the 69 position. For me, 69 sounds amazing in theory, but doesn’t really work in practice. Hubby and I used to do 69 all the time, as he really likes it. And it’s not that I hate it, per se, it’s just that I find it really hard to concentrate on sucking him off while he is going to town on me.
Maybe I am just selfish. Or maybe hubby is just too amazing at pleasuring me that I lose all control. That is what I tell him anyhow, but I think it’s a combination of both. I find it similarly distracting when he starts fingering me as I suck him off. I like to pay him 100% attention when I go down on him, and I can’t do that if I am receiving pleasure at the same time.
I know that the 69 position is very popular and I often feel pressured to get back to it and try it again. I used to feel like there was something wrong with me for not really enjoying it. Surely something that so many people rave about must be fantastic? But I can’t get into it. Hubby proposes it occasionally, but I always shut him down as I find it all too distracting.
But I may take this up as a challenge. Being forced to ignore my own pleasure in order to get him off could be very exciting and arousing. I find that if I am forced to stay still during sex, it really heightens my enjoyment of the act. My orgasms are generally a lot stronger when I am restrained and I can’t squirm away from the onslaught of pleasure.
So yes, I think I have talked myself around giving it another try. Hubby will be happy and who knows? I may actually come around to liking it as well.
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