Apparently May is Masturbation Month. I had heard that at the beginning of the month, but had not really paid much attention to it. However, a recent trip abroad for work made me think about masturbating and its function and in light of May being Masturbation Month, this might be a good time to share some thoughts.
I grew up in quite a restrictive household. Sex was not really spoken of, and my understanding of it was that its sole purpose was to get a woman pregnant. Sex for the purpose of pleasure was a novel concept to me when I first lost my virginity and the oppressive way of thinking about sex did not leave me for a long time. I never really masturbated until fairly recently and even then it was more a frantic, guilt-ridden wank in the shower than anything more.
However, since my sexual re-awakening, I have become more interested in masturbating. I want to have sex all the time, and hubby is not being shorted, so I feel less guilty if I take time to pleasure myself once in a while. I still don’t really feel comfortable have a long masturbation session if hubby is around – also because he would love to join in and I couldn’t deny him – but if I am away on business trips I make it a point to carve out some time for self pleasure. And it has been quite an eye-opening experience for me.
When I take the time to really pleasure myself, I don’t just do it with the sole goal of reaching an orgasm as soon as possible. When I masturbate I explore my body to see what gives me the most pleasure. I deliberately don’t immediately go for the places I know will make me come quick (my clit and G-spot), but I explore other areas. I experiment with different lubes, with water, with changes in speed and pressure. Anything that can enhance my pleasure during sex.
I never really struggled to get an orgasm during sexual intercourse. Hubby and I are well matched and he always ensures that I come first, so I never really had any complaints – or any need to improve my sex life. However, since really taking time to masturbate, I have noticed a marked improvement on my sex life. I now incorporate what I have learned during my masturbation sessions into my sex life with hubby and it has intensified my orgasms. And the more intense my orgasms, the more pleasure I give hubby, so it’s a win-win situation.
It is sad that female masturbation is talked about so little and that so many women still feel guilty doing it. I guess the purpose of dedicating May Masturbation Month is to get people talking about masturbation. Why it is healthy, and good for your relationship. I used to feel like I was holding out on hubby if I masturbated, but I have found that masturbating increases my arousal and hubby benefits from that. I also wouldn’t masturbate if he were around and in the mood for sex, but if he isn’t around, I am traveling or he isn’t in the mood, then why should I deny myself some pleasure?
Masturbating still makes me feel slightly guilty. I guess that’s my ingrained upbringing and I may never be able to shake that off. I still feel the need to justify myself if I masturbate (“hubby isn’t around”, “I am traveling”), but at least I now have some toys to play with and I do take the time to do it when I am away. Small steps, but definitely an improvement. And yes, noticing how this improves my sex life goes a long way to soothing my guilt. So I won’t likely stop doing it any time soon.
Good post! It is funny how a hangup about sex with one’s husband is easier to get over than a hangup about masturbation. Although I, too, grew up in a very religious household, it was expected that one day I’d be married and would have sex with my husband. So when it happened, it felt like a normal part of marriage. Masturbation, on the other hand, was never ever talked about… Having an open conversation about it helps get rid of the negative stigma. I’m like you – I enjoy it, even in a marriage. I find that when I masturbate more, I am more in the mood for sex with my husband, which is a win-win situation 😉
Absolutely, masturbation was never even talked about when I grew up, not even amongst friends. And like you, I find I want sex more when I masturbate. So yeah, I’ll try to make sure my kids don’t feel bad about masturbating.
Thank you for wording all of that out. I come from a similarly conservative household, so this was a taboo subject here as well, regardless of me being a man. I learned that the hard way as little kid. I’m very glad you’re doing so much better now with exploring your body and sexuality, and getting fulfillment, as is evident from your writings.
Glad you overcame the taboo of your upbringing as well. And yes, it applies to men as well as women. I think – from my experience at least – that male masturbation was discussed and decreed a terrible thing to do, while female masturbation didn’t even seem to exist. Not sure what is worse.
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I agree with most of your post, Isabel – my only difference is my family were very open about bodies and not judgemental about sex (a little bohemian maybe) but definitely experimenting with self pleasure and reading erotica is good for me and enhances my sex life with OH also. Hear hear for masturbation being freely talked about amongst women!