I love sex toys. Although the main purpose of my blog is not reviewing sex toys, anyone perusing my website for a bit can tell that I have reviewed my fair share of them. I have my favourites, obviously, but I always think it’s fun to try something new.
My favourite sex toys are vibrators; dildos can be fun, but they are not an effective way, for me, to get off. I guess I am just not as much into penetrative sex, and if I do shove something up there, I want it to do more than just be there. Also, I am lazy and like my toys to do the work for me. Clitoral sex toys still rank among the best toys to get me off.
However, and here comes a rant and the reason for this blog post, why do sex toy companies still make toys with three speed settings and seven vibration patterns? I know I am not alone in my deep dislike of vibration patterns. I am sure there are women out there who like them, or at least there must be one woman who likes them, but the majority of sex bloggers I have spoken to dislike the patterns as much as I do.
I like my toys to work away at a high speed. Usually the highest speed, depending on the toy and the strength of its engine. I find nothing more annoying than thinking I am on the middle speed, scroll up and land in a vibration pattern. The best way for me to get off is continuous stimulation; don’t give me a pattern that cuts out the vibration at intervals. And once you are in pattern land, you need to scroll through seven settings in order to get back to the speeds. Or turn the vibrator off and then back on, which doesn’t work with vibrators which remember the last setting (looking at you, WeVibe Tango!).
So sex toy companies, can we please cut it out? I imagine someone, at some point, came up with the brilliant idea of creating a toy with three speeds and seven patterns and since that toy sold, all other companies followed suit and now we are all stuck with this. Apart from the Satisfyer toys which use suction and vibration like the Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration, I can’t think of any sex toys that only offer speed and not vibration patters. At the very least, give us only two or three patterns, so we don’t have to scroll endlessly to get back to the speed we want.
Or, I have an even better idea: maybe we can get a toy that allows us to adjust how rumbly or buzzy we want it to be. That would be awesome. I usually like my toys quite rumbly, but sometimes I like to start with a more buzzy toy and then up the rumble on my clit/vulva by using different sex toys depending on the depth of their rumble. Being able to adjust the rumbliness of a toy would be awesome. Or maybe I am alone in this, but a girl can dream, right?
I am under no illusion that a sex toy company is going to read this blog post and suddenly change the way it has been doing things for decades, but I just wanted to put it out there. Maybe if enough of us make enough of a noise about this issue, a sex toy company is going to sit up and decide to either ditch or reduce the amount of vibration patterns. One can only hope, right?