It seems like I talk about masturbation a lot, both here and on Twitter. But I think masturbation is important, for a number of reasons. Obviously, as a sex blogger I am sometimes required to masturbate when I test out sex toys to review (oh, the hardship!). As I said in an earlier post, I have probably masturbated more in the last year than I have in the 19 years previously.
Masturbating is a fantastic way to get to know your own body, and your sexual likes and dislikes. I have written previously about how masturbation improved my sex life. But what bothers me is that society still sees masturbation as something shameful. This is especially evident in movies and TV shows where the person masturbating is always doing so surreptitiously under the covers or under their clothes, and is ashamed if they are found out.
Can we stop it with the stigma already? There are lots of stigmas I want to see die a fiery death, but this one really bothers me. Masturbation is great, and important. It is a safe way to explore and experiment, whether you are in a relationship or not. Especially with the help of a few sex toys you can really get comfortable with yourself.
And knowing what you want means you can ask for what gets you off. I wish I had masturbated more when I was younger. A lot of my posts these days seem to lament ‘I wish I had known…’ which is why it is SO important that we keep talking about sex, people! Let’s keep educating each other and help each other.
Anyhow…up until about last year, I used to masturbate guiltily as well. Usually in the shower or secretly under the covers in bed, even if I was completely alone, by myself, in a hotel room. That is how deeply this guilt and shame about masturbation was ingrained in me. If my parents talked about masturbation at all – which they hardly ever did – it was with scorn and judgement. It wasn’t so bad that they said you’d become blind from masturbating, but it was definitely seen as something sinful. Self-indulgent. Not the way God intended. All that nonsense.
I know better now. Having my libido kick into overdrive since my surgery means I want sex more than my husband, so I stopped feeling guilty about masturbating. I still did it secretly in the shower in the beginning, but now I am open about when I masturbate. Hubby doesn’t mind; it’s not like he is short changed and he loves that I know better what I want now. I don’t hide underneath the covers anymore either, I sprawl out on the bed, naked in all my glory, sex toys at the ready, lube nearby. I take my time. I make it an event, rather than a quick wank with the intent to get some relief.
And that is how it should be. It’s a celebration of oneself. Can everyone working in TV or in the movie industry please take note? Can we portray masturbation as something fun, rather than something shameful? I am sure there are movies and TV shows out there which already do this (Sex and the City comes to mind), but they are few and far between. We can do better. We can break this stigma too.