Life is busy. I am sure we can all agree on that. There are many things that demand our attention, time and energy. Often there is hardly enough time in the day to have sex and when we do have sex, our minds are still racing. That’s where mindfulness can come in handy.
I am definitely one of those people I have just described. I have a fairly busy life with working, blogging and taking care of the kids (with hubby of course). My mind often runs away with me and even when I am horny and really into having sex, grounding myself in the moment is often quite difficult. As hubby is busy trying to pleasure me, I am thinking of all the chores that still need doing, or the blog posts I still need to write. The sex feels good, but my mind is not 100% on the pleasure.
I am not really a big fan of woolly concepts like mindfulness. I am a very practical person and I tend to write off anything that sounds like “hippy dippy bologna”. Not that I am saying there’s anything wrong with it, but it’s not for me. However, while mindfulness in life in general is a concept I can’t really do anything with, it definitely helps me in smaller ways. Like when I have sex. (As an aside, I now realise that this is what mindfulness is about: applying it to areas of your life that need it.)
During sex, a million things go through my mind. The aforementioned task list and blog posts I need to take care of. But also insecurities like whether I am not sexy enough or not wild enough or not wet enough. And even during masturbation I have performance anxiety sometimes, wondering why a particular toy doesn’t work for me or why I don’t come quicker.
I haven’t mastered mindfulness yet, but I am much better at it than I ever have been. What helps for me is to really put myself in the moment. That can be difficult with my mind whirring away, but I start small. I don’t pressure myself into feeling pleasure or have an orgasm or getting wet. I start by just concentrating on what hubby is doing. Not even forcing myself to feel anything, just noticing how his fingers slide in and out of me, how his tongue plays with my clit.
By forcing your mind to notice everything that is going on, you shut out any other thoughts. After all, there won’t be room for other thoughts anymore. And if you don’t focus on how it makes you feel right away, you don’t put any pressure on yourself to get an orgasm already.
I usually find that if I force myself to stay in the moment and focus on the small things, the pleasure and wetness will follow. Before I know it I will be squirming with pleasure as my first orgasm washes over me with many to follow. It sometimes only takes a few minutes to ground me in the moment, other times I have to work a bit harder at it. But it always pays off.