Monogamous sex blogger: contradiction in terms?


When I started my sex blog, I did not know many other sex bloggers. I initially started my blog to have a place to post my erotic short stories and to muse about sex in general. I didn’t even consider myself a sex blogger. It wasn’t until I started doing the Summer 100 Sex Blogger Challenge that I got to know other sex bloggers and I started to get a bit self conscious when I read their blogs.

I love sex. I love talking about it and I love having it. I love masturbating and I love sex toys. But I am not particularly adventurous. I don’t like anal sex and despite having experimented with bondage a bit, I won’t call myself kinky at all. And I noticed something else that a lot of my fellow sex bloggers had in common: most of them were polyamorous. I am not. I am firmly monogamous and I don’t expect that to change.

So yes. In the world of sex blogging, I started to feel like a bit of an anomaly. Was I even qualified to call myself a sex blogger at all when all I could talk about was having vanilla sex with my husband who has been my only sexual partner for the last 20 year? Was I an imposter?

I originally wrote this post a few months ago, but then my website host went down, taking my website with it, so I am rewriting this post as I think it still has merit. In my original post I came to the conclusion that yes, of course it is fine to be a monogamous sex blogger. Nothing wrong with it. And I still hold the same view, but my reasons for this conclusion have expanded.

Being a monogamous sex blogger does not prevent me from educating women on their sexuality. My own sexual history has been varied and complex, despite the fact that I have been with my husband for 20 year. Despite the fact that I am not into kink. Losing a big chunk of my website and having to start again has made me look closer at the types of posts I had on my blog and has forced me to cherry pick which ones I wanted to rewrite (as I couldn’t rewrite them all). And I have come to a startling (for me) conclusion.

I don’t particularly like posting my erotic stories every week anymore. I lost about 12 flash fiction Friday posts and I can’t be bothered to rewrite them. Not because I don’t like erotic fiction, but I would rather spend that time working on my erotic novel which is still in the works.

I also don’t particularly like writing a lot of sex toy reviews anymore. I do enjoy trying out new sex toys, especially if they are different than the norm, but I won’t be actively seeking out sex toy companies to work with. I have a few companies I really like (Ovo Lifestyle Toys and Tantus come to mind), but I never intended this website to become a sex toy review blog and I am not increasing the amount of reviews I will do.

What I do like is talking about sexual experiences of women. I want to raise awareness for the importance of consent – both inside and outside a relationship. I want to promote body positivity and body autonomy for women. I want to make at least a small change to the prevalent rape culture that does not seem to be changing in our society.

And you know what? All of that does not require me to be polyamorous. I can be a monogamous sex blogger who likes vanilla sex and still raise women up. I can be a monogamous sex blogger and talk about consent, rape, slut shaming and making this world a better place for women. You won’t be reading articles about BDSM here, or how to be in a relationship with more than one person (unless I have a guess blogger, which might be an idea). But I hope that you will find this blog a safe place for women to read more about sexuality and the challenges faced by us in today’s society. And I hope you will like what I post here.

As always, if you have any comments or suggestions for my blog, you can leave them on my website or contact me through the contact form.

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