Lent started this Wednesday, conveniently on Valentine’s Day. I don’t traditionally observe Lent, I don’t fast and I don’t really give up any of my vices. But this year I thought I would try giving up something for Lent. Something that would – hopefully – make a difference to my life.
And so, on Valentine’s Day I turned off the internet on my phone. It sounds like a small thing, after all, I well remember the time before phones had internet, but in the last year I have found my phone to become increasingly more of an anchor. I felt compelled to stay up to date with Twitter and my emails, checking obsessively.
We all know that too much social media can be harmful, but I always thought I had a good handle on things. Not so much lately. I have felt my anxiety come back and I had trouble sleeping. I became impatient with my blog, my lack of making money off my blog and my lack of time to invest in getting my blog to pay off. While cutting internet on my phone isn’t exactly going to fix the lack of time, I do think it will free up some head space so I can deal with things more rationally and patiently.
I am sure that after Lent I will go back to using internet on my phone, if only for the use of Maps and WhatsApp. It has only been two days and I already feel more relaxed and less anxious. It also helps that my husband and I took the kids to the seaside for a few days and sun and beach always makes me feel better. Sometimes you just have to stop, reset and recharge. I needed to remind myself why I love doing my blog. And while I really do want to make money off my blog and start working less hours at my day job, I can’t force things and I have to accept my limitations. Just because I don’t have 1000 views a day doesn’t mean that my blog isn’t good or my writing isn’t valuable. Just because I don’t have a few sponsors who support my site financially doesn’t mean that my blog is a failure.
The biggest issue I have been grappling with the last few months is that I truly believe that change is needed in the world with regards to female sexuality. Our children need to receive better sex education, need to learn more about consent and we have to stop slut shaming women. My day job is insignificant in comparison, at least as far as meaningfulness is concerned. But because it pays for my living expenses, I can’t just up and quit. I need to find a reasonable balance between growing my blog and supporting my family.
The next four weeks won’t be as busy for me. The busiest period at work is over and I don’t have a lot of extra curricular events to attend either. I am extremely excited to go to Eroticon in four weeks time as I am looking forward to talking to fellow sex bloggers. Hopefully I continue to reap the benefits of not being plugged in to social media ever second of the day and I can focus on my own mental health – and on continuing to provide good content for my blog.