Sex toy review – Doc Johnson Pussy Pump

Doc Johnson Pussy Pump in Box

I recently (well, a while ago actually, it has taken me a while to write this review) received the Doc Johnson Pussy Pump from Betty’s Toy Box to review. I had never used a pussy pump before, so I was excited to see what that was all about.

First, let’s get the facts out of the way. The Doc Johnson Pussy Pump is a hands-free pump, which hugs your pussy. It vibrated with three speeds and four patterns, and is rechargeable. The charge up time in 90 minutes for a 60 minute play time. It’s made of body safe silicone (the seal and the handle) and ABS hard plastic (the cup). It’s surprisingly light, and therefore easy to handle. For added safety it has an air release valve if you need to decompress the vacuum in a hurry. This is a very important feature, as the suction can get quite strong.

Doc Johnson Pussy Pump

I have to admit that the Doc Johnson Pussy Pump is not going to win any awards for beauty any time soon. My husband and I had quite the laugh about how silly it looks. It’s almost like a medical device, rather than a sex toy. It can’t be helped – the nature of the toy is such that you need the big cup on the end in order to achieve the goal. And the fact that the cup part is transparent may look a bit silly, but it’s great for the purpose of being able to see what is going on with your pussy as you use the pump. So function over beauty, I guess.

I had never used a pussy pump before, but that was not an issue. The Doc Johnson Pussy Pump is really easy to operate. I was initially worried that the cup portion might not fit well over my pussy (I had heard other bloggers complain about this), but that was not an issue for me. It was not difficult at all to create a seal and let the pump do its work.

Full disclosure: I am not actually sure what a pussy pump is supposed to achieve. Are you just engorging your vulva and clitoris so that an orgasm is easier to achieve when you switch over to other methods of stimulation? Or is the pumping action of the toy itself supposed to give you an orgasm? I admit I feel a bit silly for not knowing this, as I am a sex blogger after all, but in my defence, my focus isn’t on sex toy reviews. I know I am supposed to provide you with all the information, but here we go. I am not afraid to admit ignorance at times.

Doc Johnson pussy pump in box

After my husband and I got over our initial hilarity at how the toy looked, we turned it on. And immediately turned it off again. It’s really loud. Not as loud as some of the toys I have used (I’m looking at you, Hot Octopuss), but it has a really annoying buzzing sound. I am used to more gentle, deep, rumbling sounds, so the buzzing was quite jarring. And considering we don’t exactly have a sound proof house, we needed to stifle the sound under the covers, which made it very difficult for my husband to see the effects of the pump.

Now for the actual action of the pump. It created a seal really well and started the suction well. I sometimes have trouble with these suction toys – it wasn’t until the later models that I began to like the Satisfyer toys – but no such problems existed here. I could definitely feel the suction. I also tried turning on the vibration part of the toy, which increased the volume exponentially (sadly, more buzzing). I lay back and relaxed, trying to enjoy the experience.

Sadly, I didn’t enjoy it. At all. I don’t know if I have ever liked a toy less than I liked the Doc Johnson Pussy Pump. It was awful. I hate writing bad reviews, as people have gone to the trouble to provide me with a free toy and I always feel like I should be nice, but I would do my readers a disservice if I wasn’t completely honest. The Doc Johnson Pussy Pump really did not agree with me. At first I didn’t feel anything. I felt like an idiot lying there with this thing buzzing between my legs and not feeling anything. But after a while, I did become aware of some sensation. And it was not a pleasant sensation. My vulva began to hurt, like someone was sticking pins into it. As my husband and I had other plans for the evening, plans which didn’t involve my vulva being on fire (and not in a good way), I decided to leave the pussy pump for another day.

I tried the Doc Johnson Pussy Pump on a few more occasions, without any luck. My pussy kept feeling painful afterwards without it turning to pleasure at any time. Maybe it’s just that my vulva is extra sensitive, but I can say with confidence that I will never use the pussy pump again.

You can buy the Doc Johnson Pussy Pump for $99.99 at Betty’s Toy Box.

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