Stop slut shaming, there’s nothing wrong with loving sex

I feel that a lot of sex bloggers have written similar posts, but that doesn’t mean it’s not an important subject to talk about. Plus, I want to add my own slant on things. So if you are bored reading about how we should stop shaming women for having sex, then skip this article. Otherwise, come with me on this (short) journey.

What’s wrong with liking sex?

It’s the old unfair treatment of women: while men are celebrated for having an active sex life, women are called names – and worse – if they have a similarly great libido. Women are supposed to be prim, proper, devoid of sexual desires. Until they are in a relationship of course; then women are supposed to be available for sex at all times, lest they be called an ice queen, or frigid. Women who openly flirt with men, or worse: who celebrate their sexuality, are called sluts, whores and what not. The message is clear: women who like sex are immoral and should be ashamed of themselves.

Stop this nonsense

I don’t consider myself immoral, a slut or a whore. Obviously. But I love sex. I am married and love my husband and we are in a monogamous relationship, so I only have sex with him. Were I not married, I would not live a celibate life. I would not stop having sex. I don’t think that it would be anyone’s business but my own who I have sex with – and how many partners I have. You sometimes hear women say ‘Oh, my husband is the one who took my virginity’ like it’s a badge of pride. There’s nothing wrong with your husband being your first and only, but similarly, there is nothing wrong with the woman who has had 10 partners before she settled down. Or with the woman who doesn’t “settle down” at all. And women are just as bad as men for judging other women. Look at the backlash Victoria received when she proudly spoke of running a sex blog. Seriously people, live and let live please.y

What’s in a name?

The words ‘slut’ and ‘whore’ are used as slurs. I will be the first to acknowledge that this should stop. Some women advocate that we should stop using these words altogether. I think that we should make those decisions ourselves. I love referring to myself as a slut. But only in very specific contexts. If my friend jokingly/flirtingly tells me I am such a slut, I like it, because I know that the intent behind it is good. If I call myself a slut in the bedroom, I feel sexy and horny, and the word doesn’t degrade me. No one can call me a slut without my permission, but used in the right context, by the right person, it can be a massive turn on.

Sex isn’t shameful

It would be lovely if we could get to a place in society where we can all acknowledge that sex isn’t shameful. It isn’t shameful to talk about it, it isn’t shameful to do it. It’s fun and delicious and can create an amazing connection between two people. Proper sex education is needed, not only in the formal sense, but also in the informal sense between friends, sibling and yes, with the help of sex blogs. So let’s embrace sex, and let’s stop policing what other people do in a sexual context.

summer 100 sex blogger challenge logo

This post is part of the Summer 100 Sex Blogger Challenge. Check out some of the posts of other participants of the challenge:

Jordan has written his first guest blog post on Take Back Your Sex. It’s a good one, about why he is in porn.

And Kristen has her own harrowing tale of sexual aggression on the internet.

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